So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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