I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
