Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
