at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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