I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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