The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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