I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
