First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
