How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize