There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
