Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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