I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
