you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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