Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
