The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
