Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
