my sisters under your porch take her home
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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