I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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