I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
