I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize