What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
