i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
