I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
