Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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