About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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