meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
