my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is wine microwaveable?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
