I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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