Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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