Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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