I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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