can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
