I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
