I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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