Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
