I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
