I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
