I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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