Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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