I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
