yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize