maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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