I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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