How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
