Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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