dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
