There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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