I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
