Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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