Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
