i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we have officially lost it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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