i think i have two assholes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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