so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
