you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
