Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize