He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
