Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
