you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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