Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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