She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
