I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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