I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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