Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize