I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
