I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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