Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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