College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
