I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize