SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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