imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
