im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
