did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
