First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
