U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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