your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize