Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
