i can't believe i had my finger in that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
