YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Quick, to the slutcave!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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