do herpes really smell.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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