I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
