A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pants 0. Shit 1.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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