Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
