Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
