I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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