Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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