I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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