Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
