It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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