god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
