i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
