I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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