Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
