Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
