I want to have your abortion
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
