the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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