you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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