It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
