i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize