You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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