Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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