Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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