i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
