just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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