I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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