dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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