Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
