The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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